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Vicki Churchill is the owner of http://www.reallyfunnythings.com, a site that specializes in funny things and information on how really funny things are good for your health.
February 3, 2008
Why didn’t I think of that? How many times have we all asked that question? When it comes to humor, funny things happen to us all the time. I think the reason why more people don’t have more humor in their lives, is because they don’t CAPTURE the incident when it happened! They’re always too busy with something else! I can’t blame people for that, as we live in a fast-paced society, and forgetting things is common. And, if you have a memory like mine (forget it), you will never, remember the incident the way it happened!
I wrote this article, because I want to show the reader how there is humor all over the place…IF you just look for it!
AROUND THE HOME: Sometimes humor knocks on the front door!
A few years ago, I was sick as a dog with a bad cold and flu…and, I was in bed for about a week! The chest congestion I had, was so deep that I lost my voice to a whisper! Coughing all the time, made things worse! The agony lasted for about two weeks.
One day, the doorbell rang, and with nobody around to answer the door, I got up and answered it. There was a young man standing there who was about fourteen years of age and he said:
Newspaper boy: ‘I’m collecting for the morning newspaper, sir.’
And, in a WHISPERING voice I asked, ‘How much is it?’
In his own WHISPERING voice, the paper boy responded, ‘$7.50.’
At which time I responded in a WHISPERING voice, ‘Oh, you don’t have to WHISPER, young man, I have a terrible cold and the flu, and I lost my voice!’
Again, the young man responded in a WHISPERING voice, ‘Whether I WHISPER or not, sir, the bill is still $7.50!’
Here are two people WHISPERING at the front door, as if we were in a library. During this short exchange with the paper boy, the more I laughed at what was happening, the more painful it was!
IN THE WORK PLACE:
I knew a man and wife, named Kathy and Rick Nelson, who worked at the same company where I worked. They had a baby, and were having trouble coming up with a name that they could both agree on. This tug-of-war between them went on for weeks, and they still couldn’t come up with a name for their baby. So, they decided to put a notice up on the blackboard in the break room at work, and to ask fellow-employees for any suggestions they may have for their baby. The following
suggestions appeared for the Nelson’s baby:
Baby Face Nelson
Full Nelson (wrestling term)
Half-Nelson (wrestling term)
OUT IN THE STREETS AND AROUND TOWN:
Something that really annoys me, is when I go into a store, through the IN door…there is somebody coming the other way and comes OUT through the IN door! And, when I finish taking care of my business in the store, I proceed OUT the OUT door…only to have somebody come IN the OUT door! I’ve never been a conformist, so maybe I should change my ways. Next time I go to the store, I should do what everybody else does! Go IN the OUT door and come OUT the IN door!
(People who do this, have what I call, that ‘ice cream truck mentality,’ ding-a-ling…ding-a-ling!)
* * *
I love this one. One day, I was craving for an ice cream cone, so I went into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one. The young man behind the counter asked me, ‘Sir, do you want the ice cream cone for HERE…or do you want it to GO?’ (Please…Somebody hold me back, before I jump on this kid!)
* * *
Most of us have a craving for something at some time or another…Mexican food, pickles; donuts and so forth. One day, I was craving green seedless grapes, and I had to have some NOW, or I was going to go crazy! So, I went to the grocery store and got the grapes. When I went to pay for the grapes, I thought I would have a little fun with the grocery clerk.
The Express line sign reads: ‘20 items or less.’ There was nobody around in the express line, so I headed over there to check out, and I asked the clerk, ‘I have about 248 grapes here, and I’m over the limit, so can you check me out, since there are lines over at the other registers? The clerk looked at me like I needed help! ‘Yes, I can check you out here, because you only have ONE bundle of grapes…not 248 individual grapes…yes, you do have 248 grapes, sir…but, they are all in one bundle…am I confusing you…or am I confusing ME?’ The clerk smiled at the stupidity of it all, but I didn’t get the laugh I thought I would get! So, when a person does spontaneous humor (like I do),
you never know what you’re going to get. In this case, I didn’t get the laugh I wanted, but maybe that’s was just ’sour grapes’ on my part! (pun intended)
* * *
All of us have our favorite singers…male and female and I have mine. Because this information is much more important than anything that comes out of Washington, D.D., or around the world, I’ll share it with you.
My favorite male singers: Kenny Rogers; Gordon Lightfoot; Tony Bennett
My favorite female singers: Ann Murry; Olivia Newton-John; Alice Cooper
* * *
Because there are no cabinets in the way, my microwave oven sits on top of the refrigerator. One night after dinner, I was craving for a bowl of ice cream. After I put a couple of scoops in a bowl, I put the ice cream away. The next morning, I got up as usual and prepared for my day. I needed to heat up the breakfast I prepared, so I was going to put it in the microwave…and guess what I saw?
I made a mistake and put the half-gallon of chocolate ice cream in the microwave, instead of the freezer just below the microwave…and now I had to clean up a chocolate mess! (Where were you when the brains were handed out, Jer?)
* * *
DECISIONS; DECISIONS: I’m getting tired of making so many decisions during my lifetime! Especially petty decisions, which really irritate me! It seems like everywhere I go, I have to make a decision…and it’s getting old!
* I go into a department store to buy a shirt, and go up to the counter to pay for it, and the clerk asks me, ‘Sir, will this be cash…or charge?’ (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
* I go to the pizza joint, and order a pizza and the clerk asks me, ‘Sir, do you want thick and chewy or thin and crispy?’ (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
* I go to the ice cream store to get some ice cream, and the clerk asks me, ‘Sir, do you want a cup or a cone?’ (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
* I go into the grocery store to pick up a few items, and I pay for them and the bag person asks me, ‘Sir, do you want plastic or paper?’ (S-C-R-E-A-M!)
* * *
I’ve been a football fan most of my life and I like to watch a game on occasion. When my wife and I were dating, I asked her if she liked football and if she knew anything about the game. Her answer, ‘Sure, I know a lot about football.’ I was a little skeptical, so I gave her a little quiz, and asked her what’s a ‘first down’? Her answer, ‘A first down is when the first player gets knocked down!’ (somebody get me some aspirin!)
* * *
Because my computer blew up, I was going to a local community college located near-by to use their computers, until I could replace mine. The computer lab has about 65-70 computers for students and public use. One day, a woman came into the lab, and searched all around the lab to see if there was a computer available. That day, it was a packed house and no computers were available. She asked me what she could do…maybe, get on a waiting list, etc. In my warped and off-the-wall mind, I told her, ‘Why don’t you just yell out… F-I-R-E!’ (I couldn’t believe she looked at me weird!)
* * *
I think the key to getting good, usable ideas is to try to remember them. Whether the ideas are for humor or anything else. I advise people to carry a small spiral notebook, with them at all times, to capture those ideas. Maybe, a Blackberry will help; a strawberry; a cranberry…whatever you want to harvest…is fine with me!
I have a big advantage over others, when it comes to humor, because I’ve been in it for over forty years, so it’s been a long learning period for me. But, everyone has to start someplace, so if you’re interested in getting more humor into your life, I encourage you to do so. Good luck!
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ARTICLES PUBLISHED; (70+ websites/includes links); Direct link: http://humordoctormd.homestead.com/articlespublished.html
Website name; humordoctormd - Over 150 colorful pages; over 300 graphics
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email; humordoctormd@yahoo.com
Copyright; Jerry L. Aragon (The Humor Doctor); 2006
November 20, 2007
Here’s a $64,000 question for you: What is the difference, in effort and in time, does it take to tell a clean joke, as opposed to telling a dirty joke? There is none, as far as I’m concerned. So, why do people tell dirty jokes? The Internet is filled with them! Is it macho? Peer-pressure? Being manly? I don’t have the answer!
But in reality, it doesn’t matter! Psychologists can fill us up with forty and fifty dollar words that nobody understands, and dirty humor will still be around until the end of time. All we can do is to deal with it the best we can. There are always going to be the, ‘little minds of the world’ around!
I’ve been in the humor business for over 40 years, and I can say that a person doesn’t have to be dirty to be funny! Jokester’s who resort to telling dirty jokes and using gross humor, may think they’re funny, but they’re not. They are only hurting themselves. They’re image and reputation are tarnished immediately…that’s if they care about image and reputation!
Any person who goes so low, as to tell you a dirty joke, or uses racial slurs of any kind…doesn’t have much or no respect you, in my view. So, why would you want a person like this around you? A delicate situation arises, when dirty humor comes into play in the work place. The dirty humor might be coming from your boss, and how do you handle it? He or she’s got the authority, and you don’t!
I’ll share a few things that I do, when an unwanted jokester comes into my life.
1) Tell the jokester, ‘I don’t appreciate your humor, or lack of it, and walk away! If it’s a fellow employee, who you have to tolerate, just try to ignore him.
2) If a person tells you a dirty joke, or uses dirty humor…DON’T ever smile or laugh! That way you can leave the jokester standing there waiting for the laugh that never comes. By doing this, the jokester may never return, because he did not get the laugh he was looking for in the first place.
3) One of the best tools to use for the jokester, is to say nothing at all. Remember, when your mother used to give you that COLD, HARD, PIERCING STARE when you did something wrong? I’ve seen plenty of those out of my mother. It is said that a picture is worth 1,000 words, so give the jokester a PICTURE of your best COLD, HARD, AND PIERCING STARE, which I think is sure to work.
4) If the jokester had told you a few clean jokes in the past and got your trust…but now he tells you a dirty joke…bust it up quickly! Don’t let him finish! Look at your watch…as how time has gotten away from you, and you have a meeting soon! By doing this, you have busted up the timing and delivery of the jokester, leaving him with his mouth open, as you tell him…see ya!
It’s too bad there’s a negative side of humor…but there is, and it will never go away. All of us have to tolerate people of bad behavior where ever we go. And, it’s not easy, especially if it’s a family member or a co-worker, etc. But, take a stand…be decisive…put the jokester in his place and you’ll feel better about yourself for doing so. You don’t need these type of people around you!
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ARTICLES PUBLISHED: (70+ websites/includes links); Direct link: http://humordoctormd.homestead.com/articlespublished.html
Website name; humordoctormd - Over 150 colorful paged; over 300 graphics
http://humordoctormd.homestead.com
email; humordoctormd@yahoo.com
Copyright; Jerry L. Aragon (The Humor Doctor) 2006
November 18, 2007
Miami archeologist Bobby Bermudez discovered today that the world famous Miami Circle is an ancient giant ‘Smiley Face.’
Originally uncovered in 1998 when a developer was clearing the land to erect twin condo towers, it has taken Mr. Bermudez eight long years of tedious scholarship to decode the mysterious holes in the ground at the mouth of the Miami River. ‘Although some experts believe the holes are a septic tank, through an ardous process that involved such disparate fields as computer mapping, Mayan studies, and channeling, I have been able to determine that the Miami Circle is a monumental ceremonial mask to the pre-Columbian Tequesta’s god of mirth.’
‘Not very much is known about the Tequestas except that they were tall, naked, and dead before the Conquistadores ever set foot on Florida,’ Mr. Bermudez continued. ‘But it’s good to know they had a sense of humor. In fact, this is the earliest known example of humankind possessing a sense of humor. Except for some erotic art found on the walls of Pompei, most artifacts depict us as a violent, blood-letting superstitious lot so, in that regard, this is one of the most important discoveries ever made, if I do say so myself.’
Depending on where you live and how desperate you are for a little piece of history, digging up the past can be expensive. At that time, to appease a small but vocal minority of preservationists, ‘new age’ wackos, members of the Mayan Huichol tribe and representatives of the ‘Taino people’ who set up camp at the site for a 24-hour tom-tom-athon, County government wrote a check for $26.7 million dollars to the develper to stop developing. Soon after, to preserve the holes, the excavation was covered up with sand and will remain so until funding can be found to develop an educational exhibit.
Despite Mr. Bermudez’s assertions, MVB suspects the Miami Circle really is nothing more the remains of a septic tank and that the original archeologists who discovered it came to the same conclusion after-the-fact and chose to cover it up with a couple of dump truck loads of sand to avoid any embarrasment to their careers.
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D.C. Copeland is a writer and award-winning artist. When visiting Copeland’s personal website and blog http://www.miamivisionblogarama.blogspot.com/, you will discover that Wayne Cochran is the Patron Saint and that many people consider it to be ‘The Rodney Dangerfield of Blogs.’
November 14, 2007
This month’s winner is a very special product. It’s the Home Defibrillator. In case you don’t know what a defibrillator is, it’s one of those things they use to shock someone when their heart has stopped. Now when BillyBob has a heart attack, there’s no need to drag him outside, grab the jumper cables, hook them up to the old pickup and zap him. Just grab your home defibrillator. (Hummm… I wonder if it would work the other way around. The car won’t start and I can’t find the jumper cables. Grab the paddles, zap the battery….good as new!)
A couple of problems I have with the Home Defibrillator come from the commercials I’ve seen for it. The first thing they tell you in the commercial is that 80 percent of the people who die from heart attacks never had any previous symptoms. And that most of them could have been saved if there had been a defibrillator close by. Okay fair enough. Then they tell you that you can only get the Home Defibrillator by prescription. Now wait a minute. If I don’t have any symptoms of heart problems, why would a doctor write me a prescription for a defibrillator? Just in case I might have one? I think that’s taking preventive medicine just a little too far. If a doctor came to you and said, ‘We’ve ran some tests and we have found no signs of cancer. But just to be safe, we’re going to give you Chemo Therapy anyway.’ Would you ever go back to that doctor? I don’t think so. Let’s do all kinds of other stuff, just to be sure. Let’s cut off all my limbs just in case I might ever get gangrene in any of them. Let’s put in a pacemaker just in case my heart ever decides to stop beating regularly on it’s own. Let’s do a liver transplant just in case mine might be going bad on me. Come on, how far do you want to take this just in case thing?
I’m sure this product will save lives. But I don’t think I want Joe Smoe zapping me with a few thousands volts. I’d much rather have some one who’s had a little bit of training, like maybe A DOCTOR, using it on me. I really don’t want some moron using it on me just because I fell asleep on the couch. ‘LOOK, he’s not moving and his eyes are closed! He’s had a heart attack. Quick BillyBob, grab the defibrillator! No, forget jump starting the car, we need to zap him right now!’
Now I’m sure there will be lots of other fun uses for the Home Defibrillator. Can you imagine being at a party with about 20 drunken college students when one of them finds the Home Defibrillator? OH BOY! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!! ‘Hey Joe, stand on your head, chug this beer and we’ll hit you with 5 thousand volts. It’s an awesome rush!’ Or maybe, ‘Whoa dude, at the lowest setting it makes your hair stand straight up. But at the highest setting your eyes light up and blink like a neon sign. It’s really cool.’ I’m sure more party games will follow. ‘Dude, hold these paddles while you suck on the keg. We’ll start turning this knob. See how long you can take it. The record is setting 5 so far. Don’t worry dude, it’s cool. Ken did it and he stopped twitching after an hour or so!’
Yeah, this is just the thing I want at my house. Forget the fake stethoscope and thermometer. Let the kids play doctor with the real thing! While you’re at it, give them everything in your medicine cabinet along with a scalpel and one of those syringes with the really long needles.
This sure sounds like a handy thing to have around the house. I bet it would work well in the kitchen too! ‘Mom, I put a potato in the microwave oven, but it didn’t cook it all the way though. Where’s the Home Defibrillator?’ Maybe at restaurants. ‘Can I warm your coffee up for you?’ ZAP! Now it’s nice and hot.
Maybe you can start your own business with it. Instead of a lemonade stand, maybe the kids can start a shock therapy clinic in the front yard. I bet there are a lot of people in the neighborhood that could use it. And you can charge a lot more for the service than selling some warm, colored sugar water.
Yes, this is a wonderful product. It has 1001 uses. Just think about it and I’m sure you can come up with more on your own. The possibilities are endless. So to the makers of the Home Defibrillator, I say thank you for giving us this wonderful life saving device/party game/kitchen device. Because of your advanced thinking, you have rightly earned this months Moron of the Month award.
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Robert Clayton is a new writer to the world of humor. Having loved to make people laugh his whole life, Robert has turned his comdey skills toward the direction of writing. He maintains the site http://www.gifts-software-n-more.com where he shares many of his wild thoughts and articles. If you need a laugh in your life, look for other articles by Robert and be sure to check out his website.
October 23, 2007
?Can human intelligence be measured??
?Yes, I think so? Different tests could be used to investigate several kinds of abilities (excluding skills) and the subject?s overall ability, call it intelligence, could be determined?.
?If I want to express it in the SI unit, which metric unit could be used to measure these abilities??
?Actually, you may call intelligence a unitless and autonomous quantity which is not part of any measuring system as it is expressed by Intelligence Quotient or IQ. A test, consisting of a series of questions, is administered to large samples of different age groups (usually teenagers). Then, the average score at each level is determined, the result being the so-called Binet (a French psychologist) scale. The score of an individual is compared with the group average score giving a quotient called IQ.?
?Aha, I think? I think?I understand. Please, can you explain then, what is the meaning of IQ=200 or IQ=10??
? Hmm?hmm? let me think how to answer best??
?Now, I have an idea for a unit of intelligence!?
Oh, really??
?An experiment was conducted with a predatory fish, a pike, in a pond. The pond was divided into two parts with a glass barrier between them. On one side of the barrier there was the pike and on the other, a group of fish, roach. The pike tried to attack the roach, hitting the glass each time. It gave up after, on average, twenty attempts. What about introducing the SI unit ?the pike? which will represent twenty tries? If somebody learns in a lower number of repetitions, he/she should be regarded as more intelligent?
?Well, well, that?s interesting idea! However, wouldn?t ?the pike? be better utilised as a unit of stupidity? In order to understand something, an individual requires a certain number of repetitions of an activity and, consequently, an individual requiring a higher number of repetitions is less intelligent than one requiring a lower number of repetitions. The problem is to allocate a certain percentage which will indicate lower intelligence associated with each repetition.?
?Perhaps we should leave this problem to the intelligent members of MENSA!?
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Wacek Kijewski, Metric Fun
‘The 2006 Edition - SI Units, Conversion and Measurement Skills’ (186 pp); USD 19.95 only (Amazon USD 200). Stimulating and entertaining resource material on experimental science matters. Strongly recommended for students and lecturers of post-16 science courses. Read seven reviews: UNESCO, UK, South Africa, Botswana, United States, Hungary.
Subscribe to free ‘SI Newsletters’; solve ‘The da Vinci code’ puzzle, buy one copy and get the second copy free. Visit website: http://www.wacek.co.za
October 22, 2007
Perhaps you like secret family recipes and like to trying new things, but perhaps you are like me and you’re not such a good cook. Well, I have a special new recipe for you even if you are not a good cook it is called top Ramen with teriyaki sauce and it is indeed a secret recipe. It is not something I read in any book and you will not find it on the Internet, as only I have the secret recipe. I know what you’re saying, you were saying bring it on. Okay then let me tell you about my secret recipe.
First, you boil water. Next you take a top Ramen package and breaking it into quarters. Next you take a large measuring bowl and put the top Ramen into the bowl and carefully pour the boiling water in without letting its splash and burn yourself. Believe me you want to be careful pouring it and that is no secret.
Next, you pour the teriyaki sauce into the bowl with the water and mix it around and do then you let the top Ramen soak for four minutes. After four minutes, next, pour the water out.
Then, sprinkle the noodles with seasoning salt and one quarter of the flavor package, which came with the top Ramen noodles. This means you will cut back on your MSG, because I think there is lots of that stuff in there. Then pour some more water in it to make it soupy. You then must wait for a few minutes before you eat it because it will be very hot. And that my friends is my secret recipe, I know you will love it too.
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‘Lance Winslow’ - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance is a guest writer for Our Spokane Magazine in Spokane, Washington
October 10, 2007
Secretary-General Kofi Annan sped to the Middle East with his UN emergency repair kit to do maintenance work on the quick fix the UN implemented between Israel and Hezbollah. Only trouble is, his traveling handiwork doesn?t seem as much like the permanent fix as all the world would like to count on. Even while he was cobbling the warring factions together, his work looked more like duct tape that could unravel as quick as a speeding bullet.
For instance, the dutiful diplomat emerged from his meeting in Lebanon with the powers that may or may not be, maintaining that the nation is sincere in its desire for peace. Why? According to him, Lebanon learned hard lessons from having Israeli bombs drop on it. Such reality therapy seems like a painful way to grasp the obvious. Yet at the same time as he was supposedly throwing ashes of repentance on his forehead, Lebanese President Siniora announced that he had nothing to talk about with Israel as long as the Israeli air and sea blockage remained in effect. It was lifted a few days later. Hooray for Mr. Fixit.
More troubling is the nagging drip, drip, drip that we hear in regard to the Lebanese government?s admission that disarming Hezbollah, a prudent step called for in the UN resolution, would cause a civil war. Did you or did you not just sense that the duct tape might unravel?
Next, the dedicated repairman flew off to meet with Bashar al-Assad, whose favorite form of present bashing is to retail armaments to Hezbollah. Yet Kofi emerged from his quick-fix, Annan-Assad meeting to announce that Mr. Assad understood that the UN resolution called for an end to supplying arms to any element in Lebanon without the approval of the central government. But ? drip, drip, drip ? al-Assad did not appear with him to announce that the fix is in.
Next, Annan, who now seemed more like a miracle man, hurried off to Tehran, where he met with the belligerent president of the magnificent mullahdom, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Once again, the amazingly capable UN handyman emerged to announce, one, that Ahmadinejad had agreed with the no-no about providing Hezbollah with anymore weapons and, two, that Iran was open to negotiations about its nuclear program. Yet ? drip, drip, drip ? the head knucklehead did not appear at the press conference when Annan made his seemingly miraculous pronouncements. Instead, he found occasion to remind the trembling world that his nation would not give up its right to the peaceful uses of the A-bomb.
Yet, just as sanctions loomed, the malicious mullahs allowed their chief nuclear negotiator, Alibi Larijani, to say Iran might consider suspension for two months; that is, he provided just enough seeming flexibility to make unrealistic hope spring anew in the vacillating minds of Western negotiators, who are attempting to duke out the nuke issue without raising a glove.
Finally, Annan found a party to the peace who would at least appear in public with him for a photo op: Ehud Olmert, who recently bestrode the world?s stage as Israel?s warrior Hamlet. Yet ? drip, drip, drip ? while Annan was once again enthusiastic about the prospects for peace through duct tape, Olmert insisted, at the time, that Israel?s air and sea blockades of Lebanon would not be lifted until 5,000 UN peacekeepers were on the ground in Lebanon and he reiterated Israel?s right to, of all things, defend itself. Thankfully, a few days after the confident repairman?s pronouncements, Israel did lift the blockade.
Sorrowfully, Annan?s tape job was also punctuated by the drip, drip, drip of more Israeli and Lebanese deaths due to violations of the ceasefire and the drip, drip, drip due to the persistent realization that none of the two soldiers kidnapped by Hezbollah who served as the breakdown that led to war have been released. In another area of the suspect diplomatic basement, there was also the drip, drip, drip of the kidnapped Israeli soldier who has still not been returned by Hamas.
Now, Annan has agreed to help mediate the release of all three soldiers. Let?s hope he can find more in his toolkit than duct tape. He?ll need them to make any progress with the reason-proof twosome of Hez and Ham.
While we gratefully salute whatever fixes Mr. Annan, the repairman, was able to make, we do wish that his urgent handiwork provided evidence of more than the patchwork in which we already hear disappointment?s telltale drip.
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing ‘delightfully funny,’ ‘witty,’ with ‘great humor and ebullience’ and ‘good, genuine laughs.’
What do you know? There?s at least one Iranian who still has a good thought in his cranium? It appears that Mohmmad Khatami, the mullahland?s former Pres is just such a resilient and commendable gentleman.
During his two-week trip to the USA ? interestingly, the mullahs behind the rascally current President allowed his visit and, not only that, our security personnel let him in ? he wisely acknowledged, ?In the crime of 9/11, two crimes were committed. One was killing innocent people. The second crime was masking this crime in the name of Islam.’
He spoke, with security provided by the State Department, at a venue in suburban Washington, titled ‘The Dialogue of Civilizations: Five Years After 9/11.’ The event was sponsored by the Council on American-Islamic Relations.
The good turban-topped man who, unfortunately, failed to win reelection, is the most senior Iranian official to drop in on Washington in the last 25 years.
Encouragingly, he spoke in front of American and Iranian flags that were draped in their mutual folds. He himself was graced by his more likable credentials. For instance, he was, to the extent one can be in Iran, a reformist leader and, two, he was one of the first foreign leaders to condemn the 9/11 monstrosities.
He went on to tell the audience, ‘Demonstrate to others that whatever is said about Islam in the media is not correct’ and combat the ‘wave of Islamophobia and hatred of Islam that we unfortunately are experiencing today.?
He presented three goals for Muslims that are actually welcome. ‘Your responsibility and our responsibility is to be first a good citizen in whatever country you live; to try for yourself and your children to move up the ladder of social achievement and education; and third is to fight the vague Islamophobia that has been created by those who don’t have the best interests of Islam at heart.’
Most commendably, he stated that ‘killers who go among others and kill others in acts of terror, if they identify themselves with Islam, they are lying. You Muslims who live in the United States should be representatives of enlightenment and don’t allow those who create this Islamophobia to speak for the religion.?
Laudable speechifying, and we especially note the inclusion of the Iranian word for ?enlightenment,? which, in its capital ‘E’ meaning, is the very remedy Islam?s misrepresentatives require.
Yet, given his successor?s recent effort to crackdown on liberal and secular profs at Iran?s universities, one wonders how he managed to represent his liberal agenda here.
One also wonders what the monomaniacal Ahmadinejad is cogitating in his behind-the-curtain Iago moments. What, a defeated rival feted in Washington, while I, a pariah, scheme unloved?
Could Khatami?s trip be part of the obvious efforts by the crafty mullahs at home to obfuscate whether Iran is a nation of nuclear malefactors who need the West to apply the remedial lessons of sanctions?
Unavoidable suspicion aside, let?s toss a congratulatory turban high in Khatami’s honor.
Then we shall wait to see what the future brings, which, inevitably, is hung with question marks, trembling in time?s uncertain winds.
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing ‘delightfully funny,’ ‘witty,’ with ‘great humor and ebullience’ and ‘good, genuine laughs.’
Here?s to Steve Irwin, the world’s favorite croc jock, who entertained us with his ebullient pursuit of the reluctant crocs, pythons, and assorted non-human inhabitants of the earth.
How inappropriate it seems that he met his terminus as the result of an encounter with a stingray gone wrong. We would have thought his comeuppance would have resulted from the lucky snap by a disgruntled croc.
Fortunately, we have the videos to remember him by, but their good-natured enthusiasm for all creatures wild will forever be leavened with sadness about his stingray-crossed fate. We offer our condolences to his family.
His father, Bob Irwin, in declining a state funeral for Steve, said, ‘He wants to be remembered as an ordinary bloke.’
Earlier, the senior Irwin told reporters, ‘Steve and I weren’t like father and son; we never were. We were good mates. I’ll remember Steve as my best mate ever.’
Far be it from us to disagree with Dad, but to us and millions of his fans he was an ordinary bloke only if you take away the unique enthusiasm and talent that made him the world?s favorite wild guy in the wild.
He is to be buried on the ground of the zoo he founded. It seems more fitting that his ashes would be spread in the wild, so they might dust down on the creatures he loved to meddle with.
But who are we to say anything but, Steve, may the crocs be with you. Even more, may flights of crocs and a python to whip them up to speed accompany you on your trip into the eternal unknown.
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Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing ‘delightfully funny,’ ‘witty,’ with ‘great humor and ebullience’ and ‘good, genuine laughs.’
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