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Brian Borgia is owner of Romantic Room Designs, a company based in Monterey County, California, that decorates hotel rooms for special occasion celebrations such as wedding anniversaries, honeymoons, proposals and birthdays. The same designer concepts are also shipped out in Romance Inside A Box (anywhere in the U.S.) and including design instructions. He is the author of the book Northern California’s Guide for Fun, Excitement and Romance and lives in Monterey with his wife, Heidi and two kids.
http://www.romanticroomdesigns.com
October 20, 2007
In the year 741, a young girl called Bertrada lived in a splendid villa in Laon. She was also called Bertha of the Big Foot, because she had a foot larger than the other. She was daughter of count Caribert of Laon and famous for her beauty.
In this year, she was to be about fifteen years old. One day, intrigued by the small size of a visitor whom her father accepted with the most respect, she learned that he was the mayor of the Palate: Pippin the Short (born in the year 714 in Liege, Belgium and called ‘the Short’ because of his small size). The mayor of the Palate was to some extent a Prime Minister and had considerable power. Pippin the Short was more powerful than the king Childeric III. Indeed, the Merovingian dynasty died out and the king did only have the name and the function without having the power. As soon as he met Bertrada, Pippin decided she will become his mistress and he left the count Caribert with his daughter. The count ignored his daughter would become Queen of the Franks. Nine months later, in the year 742, was born a son called Charles who will be known under the name of Charlemagne.
Bertrada was ambitious and wished another function for her son than mayor of the Palate. For any statement, she dreamed to see him become the king of Franks. With this intention, it was necessary that Charles became legitimate and that Pippin seized the crown. She thus spoke about it to Pippin. He approved the idea and repudiated his first wife and married Bertrada in the year 749.
Then, Pippin consulted the pope in order to obtain the authorization to deposit the current King. The response of Zacharie was ‘the king is who has the reality of the power’. Childeric III was mowed and locked up in a convent and Pippin was elected as King of the Franks. Pippin and Bertrada were anointed in the year 752 by Saint Boniface. This ceremony raised their prestige and made Pippin and Bertrada truths representatives of God. A second anointing was done in the year 754 by the pope in person, in the Saint-Denis basilica, which also included Pippin’s hires: Charles and Carloman.
During the reign of Pippin the Short, Bertrada has been very active: to get out difficulties of the state and military actions. Pippin died in the year 768 and the kingdom was divided between his two sons according to the habit. In order to interfer with Carloman which, being judged injured at the time of the division of the kingdom, was allied with Desiderius, King of Lombardy, Bertrada went to Pavia where she negotiated the marriage of Charles and Desiree of Lombardy, and also that of her own daughter with the son of Desiderius.
Drawn aside from the state activities by Charles after Carloman’s death, Bertrada left political life and went in Oise where she died in the year 783. She was buried in Saint-Denis, close to her husband.
Without the love of Pippin and Bertrada, Charlemagne had never been born and France perhaps would never have existed.
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Dominique Halet
European Love History
http://www.withoutyou.cashhosters.com/lovehistory
Through the tales you will read, I hope to give you the taste for discovering the old continent’s history and the desire for visiting it and for imagining when you walk on its ground and visit its wonders, the stories that I will tell you.
July 17, 2007
While exploring the answer to this question I came across a definition in Wikipedia on-line:
Love:
Love is a profound feeling of tender affection for or intense attraction to another. It is considered a deep, ineffable feeling shared in passionate or intimate interpersonal relationships. However, in different contexts, the word love has a variety of related but distinct meanings: in addition to romantic love, which is characterized by a mix of emotional and sexual desire, other forms include Platonic love, religious love, familial love, and the more casual application of the term to anyone or anything that one considers strongly pleasurable, enjoyable, or desirable, including activities and foods.
Well, now I know that love is manifested in ?a variety of related but distinct meanings?. However, is love a choice? This inquiry was not answered in the quote above.
Maybe looking at the opposite of love will enlighten us. Fear, not hate is the opposite
love, and who is a better guide on the subject than Emmanuel. I want to share with you the clue to what I was looking for in this channeled pearl of wisdom:
The Choice For love ?
What does the voice of fear
whisper in your ear?
Fear speaks to you
in logic and reason.
It assumes the language
of love itself.
Fear tells you,
?I want to make you safe.?
Love says,
?You are safe?
Fear says,
?Give me symbols.
Give me frozen images.
Give me something
I can rely on.?
Loving truth says,
?Only give me
this moment?
Fear would walk you
on a narrow path
promising to take you
where you want to go.
Love says,
?open your arms
and fly with me.?
Every moment of your life
you are offered the opportunity
to choose ?
love or fear,
to tread the earth
or to soar the heavens.
( Emmanule`s Book II)
Yes, for me love is a choice whenever I am confronted with fear,
since fear spells:
False Evidence Appearing Real
Source: Wikipedia
Emmanule’s Book II
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Raphael Wettenstein
www.cafepress.com/ichooselove
July 14, 2007
Have you ever thought about what life is all about?
I discovered something very special and important one evening while I was watching the sunset by the window. What I discovered really changed my whole idea about life.
I discovered our life is all about a simple four-letter word:
"LOVE"
Yes, if you look at your life carefully, you’ll see love has always been responsible for the most happiest moments of your life. You’ll see it’s what gives a REAL meaning to your life.
If you look at life from the social aspect, when you love all the people around you, then you’ll treat them the way you want to be treated.
So when there’s love in a society, there won’t be any problems at all!
From the professional and business aspect, love is the key to your success. Because when you love what you do and also love your customers and really want to help them, you’re guaranteed to succeed - no matter what business you’re in.
Also in your personal life, love is a real treasure that brings true happiness and warmth to your family.
From the religious aspect, religion is also all about love. Because when you love God from the bottom of your heart, you will happily do the good and willingly avoid the bad.
Who do you think are the happiest people in the world?
Those with the most money, the biggest house, or the most beautiful face?
No. The happiest are those who have more love in their heart.
So let’s love everyone!
Love the poor man sleeping at the corner of the street. Yes, come closer to him, smile and say hello.
You can’t imagine how wonderful you’ll make him feel. Maybe you’re the only one that has smiled to him today.
Love the salesperson in the mall even if he looks as cold as ice, because he has a heart beating inside his chest.
Love the kids playing in the street, the policeman who’s standing there, the old woman waiting at the bus stop next to you…
Love everyone!
Love the poor as well as the rich, as they’re both humans just like you.
Love the beautiful as well as the ugly because the ugly too is beautiful in its own way.
Love the weather no matter if it is cold or warm, cloudy or sunny, because all aspects of nature are beautiful.
Life is NOT about the amount of money you make, but the number of people you love, smiles you cause, and hearts you make happy.
Life is all about love and kindness.
Right now that I’m typing these words for you, I have the most amazing feeling in my heart:
Love.
I feel love for you, your family, all people around the world who are awake or asleep at this time, and those who are alive or resting in peace.
… And I feel tears of joy and love rolling in my eyes.
Wish you a heart full of love, and a life full of happiness! 
About the Author:
Ladan Lashkari is giving away a FREE collection of beautiful
romantic love poems
that are perfect for including in your love letters. To grab your copy of these
poems, drop by
http://www.LovePoemsWorld.com while they are still available.
June 16, 2007
If you?ve ever tried to get through to somebody, you probably understand just how frustrating it can be, and it is even more frustrating if you are trying to get though to someone you love and you just can?t seem to get though to them however much you try.
Every one of us wants to be loved, even those who pretend they do not need love in their lives. Love connects us to the power, joy, happiness, inspiration, passion, spontaneity etc that we all have within us - that is why it feels magical to be in love. When you stop loving, you weaken your connection to this magic inside of you. When you stop loving you feel lifeless, depressed, apathetic, skeptical, negative and hopeless. But often we think we are doing everything to bring love or more of it into our lives or relationships but there is a part of us that we are not often aware of, a part of us that tries to sabotage the love in our life, hides from love or rejects it altogether.
I have many couples come to my office and looking at them I know they are in love. When I ask them what they think is the problem, they almost answer in chorus ‘we don’t communicate well’. But then when I ask ‘Why?’. All different kinds of answers, accusations and excuses start to come out. I like to just sit there and let them go at it for a while. Very often they come back with another chorus answer ‘we don’t know why we can’t communicate’.
And I am sure you have come across some of the singles personal ads that have ’stay away from me, I am a freak magnet’ written all over them. These people are sincerely looking for love and wonder why nobody replies to their ad or even why they can’t find someone to love them.
Every time you loved and your love was not returned, a wall was erected around your heart, a wall you erected to protect yourself from being hurt again the next time. Over time you became an expert at building walls around your heart and because these walls have become so much part of you, you probably are not even aware that you have them.
Read these comments and try to remember if anyone in your life (lovers, family, co-workers etc) has ever made them about you:
1. When you get angry you shut down and won?t talk to me
2. You are always jumping to conclusions
3. Talking to you about things that are important to me is just frustrating
4. When I bring up the subject, you immediately change it, walk out of the room or pretend to be asleep
5. You always say ?I am not upset’ but I always know when you are upset or angry
6. I can never tell if you are kidding or serious
7. When I try to talk to you, you just stare at me as if I am crazy, stupid or something
8. I can never talk to you, you twist around every word I say
9. I need you to open up more
10. Why can?t you just shut up for once and listen
11. Everything I say or do upsets you
12. How did we get here, I thought we were talking about?.
Unfortunately, we can?t keep hiding behind our walls all the time because a much more powerful part of us wants to be found, to be loved and to grow into more spiritual consciousness. So we attract into our lives those people who will perfectly push our buttons for us, confront us when we’re losing our vision and integrity, kick our ass when we’re getting lazy or sinking into destructive patterns, and so on.
Say you are out on a date having a wonderful time with someone you like or care about. The conversation drifts to music. You say you love rock and roll, rap or country music and your date says he or she is not all too crazy about it or makes a comment that criticizes that particular kind of music. You start to feel a tightening in your belly and somehow you like the person a little less than before they said they did not enjoy your particular taste of music. You feel as if the person has criticized you or done something to hurt you. You emotionally pull away. A few days or few weeks later, the relationship ends. You conclude that the problem is with the other person and so you go from relationship to relationship hoping to find somebody who will love you for who you are. Or you conclude that love hurts and resolve to live peacefully alone. Or worse still - you conclude that love hurts and stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling.
A lot of books and advice on intimate relationships tell couples that in order to stay in love they should practice certain words, activities or behaviours. But as many are finding out, love is more than giving the appearance of love. Over time the relationship stagnates. Couples become bored. Deep feelings of resentment and anger accumulate. Both couples feel the other person let them down because they weren’t fulfilled. And a relationship with great potential ends up in divorce despite all the communication advice and/or counselling.
No one plans to fall out of love, but it happens, and when it does, it hurts. When you are operating from a place of old defensive reactions, fears and insecurities you will react to experiences such as these as ‘mistakes’ and the people who push your buttons as ‘bad’ and will shut down to the possibility of love. But when you are operating from a place of conscious intent, thought, talk and action, you will see these experiences as opportunities to examine why you react the way you react to people and situations. You will have the insight to see the other person’s contribution to the expansion and evolving of your life.
It?s not love that hurts ? it is when you keep repeating your patterns and being reminded that you need to learn something about your emotional and mental programming that hurts. And because you?ve mentally imprisoned and emotionally isolated yourself from yourself and from others, other people will find it really hard to get through to you.
How many walls do you have built around your heart? Do your walls have labels on the doors like ?there are no good men’, ?all men are cheats’ ?all women are manipulative’, ?the women I am attracted to can never be attracted to me’, ?it is impossible to find love’, ‘everyone is trying to get something off me and yet give nothing back’, ‘life sucks’ ‘love hurts’ etc. ?How does it feel hiding behind those walls? Does part of you wish you knew how to come out and not get hurt again? Are there people in your life who are trying to love you but you are pushing them away?
Many of us have spent so many years behind our walls that it seems easier to stay shut down than risk to open up. Each time we fall in love or meet a wonderful man or woman, we feel excited but underneath that excitement is a deep concern and even fear. Will this relationship also end up the same way? Will I be hurt again? What will I do? Will I survive the pain this time?
When it comes to love, it all comes down up to you. You have the freedom to chose whether or not you want a relationship and you have the freedom to chose how that relationship with be. You can?t blame your parents, your childhood or society for your inability to have successful relationships because you are the only one who has the power to do something to change who you attract, how you date and love, and how loving, exciting, intimate and committed your relationship can be. Love is up to you!
Unfortunately, when you don?t know how to consciously reprogram the patterns in your relationships and create the results you want, you end up making the same mistake over and over again.
There is good news and bad news. The good news is that you can set yourself free from the past, not only the long ago past but the hurts even as recent as yesterday, and let yourself progress unburdened into love and a fulfilling relationship.
The bad news is that the old defensive reactions, fears and insecurities you have within you will prevent you from taking the necessary steps to free yourself. What if it doesn?t work? What if this is just another ploy to coax you from behind your walls only to be deceived again? It is perfectly normal for you to think this way and it is not because something is wrong with you - it is just the way it is.
It is all up to you!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned
Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of
Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and
Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.
http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com
http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com
http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com
June 1, 2007
Most of the youngsters can be found claming that they have fallen in love. They have experienced love. Is loving someone so easy? Can everybody love? Are youngsters really in love?
Love. What is its definition? Love means understanding, caring, forgiving, forgetting. Giving, doing and sacrificing. When we love someone we understand that person.. We give him unconditional care. Even if he hurts us intentionally or unintentionally we keep our ego aside and forgive him. We not only forgive him but forget and proceed ahead. We try to give him whatever he wants without any selfish motive. We wish do everything for him. If there is any need we are ready to sacrifice even our love for him.
Loving someone is not as easy as we think. We have to forget ourselves for loving someone. We have to dedicate ourselves to him. We have to be ready to be with him in every thick and thin. It is the most difficult path. And even the thought of difficulties which we may have to face is enough to make many of us stumble down.
Everybody has the right to love but one or two out of ten are able to do love. Most of the people by mistake think their infatuation is their love. Infatuation may be because of physical attraction, same thinking pattern or same aim. But infatuation does not go for long. As soon as we find a better person we again fall in infatuation.
?We rarely fall in love but we often fall in infatuation.? - Vanshika
Famous Indian Writer and Teacher
The Writers Online - Submit Articles Earn Money
April 7, 2007
What does it mean to be looking for love? What kind of love are you looking for and from whom. What I mean is that there are all kinds of love. The love you feel for your significant other, the unconditional love you get from your kids, the love you feel for a certain kind of food (chocolate?), or even the love that comes from having a pet.
Let’s face it, looking for love can mean all sorts of things to different people. But if your looking for the love of another person to share your life with, then what do you do?
You can go out with friends and hit the bars, but bars are notoriously bad places to meet the love of your life. Sure, you may meet someone and hit it off, but as most of us know picking up someone in a bar and living in a state of happy bliss the rest of your life with them is very realistic. Now if your looking for someone to just have some fun with maybe the bar route is a good idea.
One of my favorites is the blind date. These are usually set up for you by friends, co-workers, family members, etc. The problem here is what they may think is a good match is probably not what you are looking for. Nobody really knows what you are looking for other than you. Sure, they say you will like this person, or you two will get along just fine, but until you meet them you just don’t know, and that can be kind of scary.
Of course there is the old tried and true just meet someone doing something you like because at least then you share that in common. This isn’t necissarily true if you meet them at the grocery store because we all need to eat. If you’re both reaching for the same frozen pizza you could say you have that in common, but is that something to base a relationship off of.
If your looking for love and I mean really looking then you need to find someone that you can share your every want and need and thought and desire with. Someone compatable with who you are as a person. In the past this was largely a hit and miss proposition, but with the advent of online dating services it has become much easier to find that special someone.
If you think about it an online date starts out as a blind date but you actually get to know the person before you ever meet them. You are also matched up with people who fit the description of the type of person you would be most compatable with, which takes the stress out of meeting someone who shares more than one thing in common with you. You know, just because you meet someone at the gym doesn’t mean that they share your same interests other than being in shape.
The online dating world provides a simple way for those who are looking for love to find it. No more trying to meet someone on your own or through friends and co-workers. No more blind dates with someone your best friend thinks you’ll hit it off with. A dating service is about the closest you can get to finding the real love of your life without ever leaving the comfort of your own home. Or does being set up with Gus from your mom’s office sound like a better proposition.
Andrew Bicknell is a writer and owner of Romancing Hearts.com. Please visit his website for more advice about Online dating, Romance, and Matchmaking.
March 19, 2007
Let love grow by staying in the present moment. Stay in the present moment and simply enjoy your newfound love. It’ll be natural to think about what marriage to him would be like or to dream up plans for your wedding, but don’t let planning for the future dominate your thoughts during the early months of courtship. For the time being, don’t think about taking care of the future. The future will take care of itself if you take care of the present moment instead by enjoying yourself and his company.
Staying in the present moment also helps you stay connected to the truth. Let’s say you’re thinking about your wedding and how nice it would be to live in his house instead of your condo, and everyone you know is telling you how lucky you are to be with such a great guy. The positive validation from him and positive reinforcement from your friends creates a smooth sailing effect that can propel you into planning your future with him. Don’t ponder your future with him until you’re certain about the present. In this instance, staying in the present moment protects you from the trap of getting carried away.
Let love grow through courtship rituals. Bring romance into your relationship so you can draw on your shared memories of them in later years to nurture your love after the children arrive and you have more demands on your time. Fond memories of the past are built today, one day at a time. Court each other every day, no matter how long you’ve been dating. It keeps your love feeling fresh and alive.
Let love grow by remembering what you have at stake. Your heart, your future, your dreams – all are solid reasons to carefully control the pace of the courtship. If you can remember how important it is to give love a chance to grow, it’ll help you resist the temptation of sex with a possible Mr. Wrong or sex ill-timed with a possible Mr. Right.
Let love grow by enjoying being seduced. Seduction is half the fun of a courtship – anticipating seeing him, looking forward to his attention, enjoying the way he treats you, the thrill of his kisses, looking forward to deepening intimacy. Perhaps not –so obviously, once you’re seduced, the excitement of seduction ends. Take your time getting used to his affection and savor the one-time-only experience of its newness.
Let love grow by developing trust. Trust is to love like water is to fish. Trust supports your love and keeps it alive. If you want a lifetime of love with the right man, be certain you can trust him to be faithful to you. He must be truthful in his conversations with you, and he must keep his word. If you doubt that the man in your life is telling you the truth, or if you wonder if he actually is where he says he’ll be, then you won’t be able to trust him with you heart. He must be truthful and must have integrity if you want to be able to trust him with your heart. Likewise, you must reciprocate these qualities to him. Your love for each other will grow when it is supported by trust.
Dating Expert and Speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right. Set for a Fall 2006 release, you can order your copy now from her website at a special prepublication discounted price.
Being sexual with each other and sharing the bond of marriage are the markers that make your relationship with your husband different than your relationship with anyone else on the planet. Your bond becomes truly special when you’re confident in your love for each other and confident your relationship will go the distance. Postponing sexual intimacy lets you form a strong and lasting emotional bond with Mr. Right prior to risking sexual intimacy. As a result, you’ll be able to enjoy being courted, instead of acting on the fear that you’ll get hurt yet again. Real love won’t alight in your heart until you stop being driven by fear and start protecting yourself enough to feel secure around a quality man who’s interested in being both emotionally and sexually intimate with you. He’s the kind of man who will protect your heart and the love the two of you share. Here are four key secrets that give your new love a chance to grow.
Let love grow by taking care of yourself and your business. Don’t stop working out, eating right, going to worship services, spending time with your children or friends, or taking care of your personal errands just because this wonderful new guy wants to see you tonight. Dropping everything in your life when you start seeing someone new is the mark of a Ms. Wrong. Put routine errands down on your calendar as if they were appointments so that when he calls you’ll know what time you can be ready after you take care of your personal business. Friends should understand that there’s always some accommodating when one of you starts dating, but they’ll feel you’ve taken advantage of them if they hear nothing from you for months on end, until Mr. Wrong dumps you and you need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.
Let love grow by accepting him the way he is. The man of your dreams is always perfect. When you describe your version of Mr. Right, do you say that he leaves his plates and glasses all over the kitchen counter, or that he has to be reminded to take out the trash? Probably not. He may not be as tall as you had hoped he’d be, but these qualities are also not enough of a problem to cause you to leave him. In reality, Mr. Right may have qualities and habits that aren’t deal-breaking, but that you aren’t thrilled with either.
Here’s a funny thing about love. The more you let love grow with Mr. Right, the less you’ll notice the physical traits that stand out in the beginning, because you’ll start seeing and loving his inner light instead of those outer details. As for his bad habits, if they aren’t deal-breakers, you can let him know how you feel about them, but otherwise, you’ll have to give him space to be himself. Remember, you’re not perfect, either. Give the guy a chance to grow on you, because Mr. Right may not be the type you’re used to dating. And what about those guys who were your type? Weren’t they all Mr. Wrongs?
Let love grow by showing him your appreciation. Tell him thank you when he prepares dinner or takes you out to eat. Tell him it’s good to hear from him when he calls. Tell him how nice he looks for your date. If he fixes your car or greases a squeaky hinge on your patio door, admire his handiwork. Everyone wants to be appreciated, including your new flame. His love for you will grow because he sees that you appreciate and welcome it. He’ll know your heart is open.
Let love grow by showing him signs of your love. End each telephone conversation you have with him with the words, “I love you.” When you make a point of telling him you love him, you show him you love him. Card or gift-giving occasions are all chances to show him your love. Send an occasional text message to him at work telling him you love him or surprise him by hiding a note in his pocket to find later. Pay attention when he mentions something he’d like to have so you’ll have ideas for gifts. Give him plenty of shoulder rubs, hugs and kisses, and other signs of caring and affection. We women work hard, but men work hard, too. Let the man in your life know – and feel – without a doubt that you love him.
Dating Expert and Speaker Marcia Augustine is the author of Emotional Wavelengths: How to Tune In Marriage to Mr. Right. Set for a Fall 2006 release, you can order a copy of her book from her website at a special prepublication discounted price.
March 16, 2007
‘I can sleep with her, marry her, take care of her, but to say I love you’ that’s something else’ said Tony, a married man in his late forties. ‘Guys don’t like to talk about love. They don’t know what to say.’
Of course guys do love. But they express it differently. Despite this fact, most women do not feel happy unless they hear those golden words, I love you. Men need to hear them as well. And yet, as much as men want love, many fight it to the last minute.
Love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike, and unable to do what’s expected of them. Yet, naturally, men do love and different types of men express their love differently. A woman needs to be alert to who the man she is with is, and what love means to him. Here are five different ways that men express what they are feeling.
The first way is simply by saying ‘I Love You.’Actually, saying these words is a huge step for some men. It means a lot more than simply expressing a feeling. For some it feels like a life commitment, for others it is fraught with danger.
‘When I say I love you,’said Steve, ‘I feel like I’m taking my life in my hands and giving it to her. It’s scary. I’ve got to really trust her and know she won’t throw my love away in order to actually say the words to her.’
In this case the fear of rejection comes up strongly. Rejection is enormously painful for most men, and saying ‘I Love You’ can be an invitation to be hurt. Most men must feel very secure in the relationship and in the woman’s feelings for him, before he’ll dare say those words.
For others, saying ‘I love you,’ means, I’m offering a commitment. I’m going to be here to do things for you. For many men, love is expressed through action, so these words are a promise of what is to follow. Simply by saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there to give to her and support her. If they don’t do it, they’ll feel like a heel.
For others, the words means, I’m not leaving, or I’ll always be faithful. This can be very scary for some men. They feel the words themselves are a promise, and if the promise is broken, they will suffer as well. However, there is another type of man, who enjoys falling in love and letting the world know it. These men will say ‘I Love You’ easily. There are many different motives behind their words though. Some say it to get a woman to make love with him, others to enter into a romantic fantasy, some to feel as though they are a great lover. By saying these words, some seem to be offering the woman the world, (that they have no intention of giving).
Others say it just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how good it makes the woman feel, and how effective he feels as well. When a woman hears those precious words, she should step back a moment and put them in context. What do they mean to this particular man, and are there other ways she might also realize that he is expressing his love for her?
Another way men express their love is through bringing gifts to the woman. There are many different kinds of gifts a man can give. The obvious ones include those wrapped in packages, candy, flowers, special notes. But there are others that a woman may or may not be aware of. For example, for some men, giving their time to you, is a gift. When they spend more time with you, and less with family and friends, this is their way of saying they love you.
A different way some men express their love is by standing up for you during a ifficult time, attending important functions with you, going with you to your family, planning trips, dates or outings, and putting you first in their thoughts. These behaviors are often indicators that the man cares a great deal. .
Believe it or not, some men express their love through being jealous, or possessive. They do not want to share your attention. It is especially upsetting to these men if you speak of or look at other guys. Although being controlled is not being loved, to many men and women, the two overlap. Many women feel cared for when the man is possessive of her. ‘It’’s a sign that he cares a great deal,’ said Renee. ‘Sure, it can be annoying that he’s so controlling, but if he wasn’t, truthfully, I don’t think I’d feel loved or cared about.’
For Renee this kind of behavior produces a sense of security. It lets her know she’s on his mind and she translates this to mean that he cares. Although this trait can get out of hand, when it is just part of the overall equation, it often is the way a man expresses his involvement and love. He doesn’t want to lose you. He wants to be the most important person in your life and to be on your mind all the time. If he is, he feels loved as well.
Other men say ‘I love you’ by being affectionate and making love to you. After being intimate they feel as though they’ve loved you, and often feel loved as well. The physical contact breaks down barriers and provides a feeling of closeness that they do not feel otherwise.
Some women require hearing words of love spoken when they are being intimate. This is a complex area, because sex can mean so many different things to different individuals. But for many men love means meeting her needs and having his needs met as well. They feel that if the sex is good, everything else will fall into place. Sex can be a sensitive barometer to what’s going on in all aspects of the relationship. Another way of saying ‘I Love You’ is taking you home to meet the family, (and/or close, meaningful friends). Not only does it say that he’s proud of you, but he wants to connect you with the people who mean the most to him. This is often a sign that you are becoming a significant part of his life.
Other men compartmentalize relationships, they have someone for dating, someone for sex, someone else for the kind of love that leads to marriage. By being aware of the people in his life that he introduces you to, and includes you with, you can get a good idea of how he operates in this area. Does he want you in all parts of his life, or is this a limited relationship?
Love, in the deepest sense, includes sharing all parts of ourselves with another. It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them, or are too busy to stop and take note, or to stop and say thank you. In the journal of your relationship, take a few minutes to note, what you received that day, and also what you gave. Write it down. Be specific. List everything, like phone calls, kind words, a surprise visit, etc. It will be amazing to you to realize all the ways your partner is giving to you, and it will be wonderful to find new ways to give back.
Copyright 2006 Brenda Shoshanna
Hear men tell you in their own words what they really feel about women and what makes a relationship work for them. This eye-opening book on modern relationships - Why Men Leave http://www.whymenleave.com offers a real understanding of men. It will change the way women think about men and about what goes on in relationships. It is written by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist, relationship expert, workshop leader and author of many books, including The Anger Diet and Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster),Contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com . Her personal website is: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/ Go to: http://www.whymenleave.com to get your copy right now.
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