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Marcia Reynolds, has spent over 25 years teaching and speaking to audiences world-wide. She specializes in helping people to understand how their brains work so they can make better choices about their behavior, their communications, and their impact. Speaking in over 11 countries, she has been recognized as an expert in emotional intelligence since 1997.
Reynolds is the author of Outsmart Your Brain: How to Make Success Feel Easy and the audiotape series, Being in the Success Zone. Her insights have appeared in Fortune Magazine, Health, Christian Science Monitor, Harvard Management Update, Entrepreneur, Cosmopolitan and The New York Times, and she has appeared on ABC World News, NPR and Japan Nightly News. You can read more at www.OutsmartYourBrain.com or contact her at Marcia@OutsmartYourBrain.com
January 18, 2008
Every single day a number of health care professionals have to encounter an incident of an abused victim turning to them to request help. But even of you are not a trained professional you should be familiar with what domestic violence is and what it can do to victims. Then you will be better prepared to react correctly in case you encounter such an unfortunate incident. Helping the victim regain a sense of control over his or her life should not be your responsibility if you are not a trained professional, but being informed can sometimes save a victim from keeping everything within and self-destruct.
Domestic violence is characterized as a pattern of coercive behaviors that may include repeated battering and injury, psychological abuse, sexual assault, progressive social isolation, deprivation and intimidation. Someone who is or was involved in an intimate relationship, with the victim, might perpetrate these behaviors. According to official data from law enforcement units and medical institutions, gender plays an important role in dynamics of abuse. Over 85 percent of reported victims of domestic violence are women and most perpetrators are men. Moreover, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women of all ages and the leading cause of injury to pregnant women and ladies between 18 and 44 years of age.
On the other hand, domestic violence is also known as ‘partner violence or spouse abuse’ since experts recognize that also men may be abused in intimate relationships. In addition, many of today’s societies report domestic violence incidents between gay or lesbian partners, since this type of intimidating behavior is not a characteristic of a specific sexual orientation. Physical assault, sexual abuse, threats against person, creating stress and psychological damage to children or loved ones, destruction of home or personal property, are some of the most common cases reported as examples of domestic violence incidents.
Unfortunately, although extremely common, domestic violence is considered an extremely sensitive subject that victims do not easily report and thus it remains confined inside the particular territory of a family’s neighborhood or even walls. Some of the most common domestic violence myths include that it is a behavior pattern indicative of particular economic and social groups; it is a marital problem; victims will never speak of what they are experiencing; it is associated with alcohol or drug abuse; and that violence can be handed down from one generation to the next.
In fact, research indicates that violence may be a learned behavior, particularly from observation, however all men who are violent do not have histories of violence in childhood. Very interesting is the fact that unmarried partners and those who are separated or divorced have higher rates of abuse than those who are married. Additionally, rate of domestic violence vary little between economic and/or cultural groups. Finally, while studies have shown that alcohol and/or drug addiction and violence frequently coexist, they are not resulting from each other and that violent behavior will not end unless professional treatment and adequate interventions address both problems; the substance abuse and the violent behavior.
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Kadence Buchanan writes articles on many topics including Women’s Health, Cooking, and Women
January 16, 2008
When the temperature is at its all-time high, you can actually see the asphalt creating sizzling metropolis mirages in the street and next door neighbors stripping down to the minimum. Summer creates such hysteria that you, yourself, would want to take off all your clothes, sit by the back yard pool or hit the nearest beach in your bathing suit, and catch up on some reading while you tank up on your favorite cold slosh drink. And if you haven’t done anything remotely like it lately, I seriously suggest you indulge in a little summer fun before the season’s over. If you’ve got a spanking new swimsuit and you can’t wait to show off the body you’ve worked hard to look good for months, it would also make a lot of sense if you indulge in a little alcohol while you’re at it. I say ‘little’ because in this case less is more. Excessive alcohol consumption wouldn’t do you any good at the beach. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to join A.A. or have your mugshot taken for D.U.I. (Drowning Under The Influence) this early in the game.
Getting uneven tan lines come to a close second to getting insanely hammered. Thanks to recent swim wear technology, you could opt for getting a complete tan without the crazy, and often times misleading, lines. Tan-through Swimwear has created a wide selection of beach wear including shirts, shorts, bikinis, trunks, one-piece suits for both men and women. The Cooltan collection is available for your viewing and buying pleasure at www.tanthrough.com. This way everybody could enjoy the sun without worrying about tan lines and all you get is a soft, sun-kissed look all over. They’re unbelievably comfortable and durable, even for wild white-water activities. So allow me to reintroduce this season’s coolest buzzing thirst quenchers and their hottest Tan-through bathing suit contemporaries. Sip and swim — that’s all there is to it.
The first summer drink on the list that everyone has to taste at least once in their life is the Bikini Martini. Just by its name you know it’s the perfect cocktail for the season. This cocktail’s vibrant blue color and zesty transparency almost mocks the sea’s inviting waters. Made up of gin, blue Curacao, fresh lime juice, peach schnapps, lemon zest, and a dash of sweetener, this cocktail is sure to become a warm weather hit for you and your friends. Swagger by the poolside in an equally breezy swimsuit like the Blue Aztec one-piece tank suit. This cool and sassy number has sultry high cut sides and a moderately low-cut back which gives adequate support and fashions inimitable style. It’s yours for a penny ante price of only $67.95. Put that $10 savings to good use and tip the waiter who’ll bring you your true blue Bikini Martini.
The next cocktail to consider in the summertime is the Red Army. Make love and not war with this alluringly refreshing alcoholic beverage. The delightful mix of Triple Sec, raspberry flavored vodka, raspberry liqueur, lime juice, syrup, and fresh raspberries will make you anticipate your next glass. Mixing fruit with spirits could only uplift yours. It’s not as easy to prepare like the Bikini Martini, but that’s what bartenders are for. Make special requests for a taller glass, plenty of crushed ice, and an extra raspberry or two, and you might as well be having drinks in summer heaven. This red concoction will definitely look like a lovely deliquescent accessory next to the Tan-through Red Sea String Bikini. For only $64.90 you can lie under the sun in a bright and bold pseudo-solid red triangle top and string bikini bottom as if you had nothing on at all. You don’t have to part the Red Sea to get both of these devilish summer must-haves.
Even though it isn’t dark and you’re not in a smoke-filled bar downtown, it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a light and cool summer cocktail in the sun. During a hot day, refreshments and swim wear seem like a logical combination. So all you really need for the perfect cocktail and swimsuit pair is a splash of color, a few zingy spirits, and a whole lot of ice.
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For more valuable information on bikini and swim wear, please visit http://www.microbikini.com
January 14, 2008
SEDU hair straightners are one of the premier hair straightners available in the market today. They are the best in terms of design, functionality and overall value. SEDU hair straightners go beyond just the straightening of hair. They go the distance and offer superior hair styling solutions.
A SEDU hair straightner uses ultra-smooth plates to ensure the smoothest straightening of your hair. This negates the possibility of your hair pulling or the breaking. The Tourmaline/Ceramic plates that are used make for a larger negative ion generation than regular ceramic irons. A larger generation of negative ions means minimal damage to the hair cuticle. This means that when you use a SEDU hair straightner, your hair will have a smooth and shiny finish. Moreover, due to the high concentration of negative ions, there is a marked reduction in the time taken to straighten your hair.
SEDU hair straightners have continuously made use of new and improved technology to give their users superior benefits. The latest technology they use is a New Infra Red heat technology. This enables the straightners to seal the moisture and luster of the hair. Furthermore, lightweight, high-strength composite materials are used to make the body of the product. Gone are the times, when your hair straightner had a long heat-time. With SEDU, within 25 seconds you get the desired heat. This is because unlike other ceramic irons available in the market, SEDU does not use a conventional coil.
SEDU hair straightners are ergonomically designed, which means that they are much easier to handle. These little marvels of innovative technology use plugs with IDCI safety standards, which gets rid of the possibility of electrical shocks. SEDU hair straightners come with a limited warranty of one year. They are designed in the United States and use global technology to give you the best of results.
In the case of Ceramic irons or Ceramic hair straightners, the blades are composed of ceramic materials. A gentle ?Infra red heat? is emitted by the ceramic, which goes a long way in protecting your hair, and keeps the hair moisture locked in. It also helps in prolonging the hair color. SEDU hair straightners are tourmaline based and has double the amount of properties when compared to other straightners.
Your hair is priceless. Therefore it is important that you take the best possible care in the selection of hair straightners. All Ceramic irons available in the market today are pretty good, but in the end it is your decision that counts. SEDU hair straightners and other Ceramic irons will give your hair the best straightening money can buy. You must select the hair straightner that is best suited for your hair styling requirements.
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Lexus Reynolds is a High Demand Beauty Consultunt and Hair Care specialist in Los Angeles California. Her Clients consit of many High profile Celebrities that depend on her to give them that Signature Celebrity look.
January 9, 2008
At the age of twenty-five, I had the great good fortune to meet a remarkable woman named Thelma. She was seventy at the time, and literally one of the most beautiful and fascinating women I have ever known. I was at first amazed at her lovely, youthful appearance, and demeanor. There was no artifice in that demeanor. Thelma indeed possessed an ageless heart. Once I?d begun to really know her, I was even more impressed by her inward beauty, total interest in, and love of, life, and her complete lack of age bias.
Thelma was tall, slim, and carried herself beautifully. She wore her hair almost shoulder length, in a soft, contemporary style. It was a shade of silver that far from aging her appearance seemed to enhance it. Her make-up application was perfection, with no attempts to youth-ify herself. She applied cosmetics sparingly, and the effect was natural, and attractive. She had been a buyer for an upscale department store, in women?s fashion, for over twenty years, and her fashion sense was evident. She wore the tailored clothing styles of the day, and always had about her an aura of pure class. From her I heard, ? Clothes don?t make you, you make the clothes?, for the first time.
Thelma and I were voracious readers, and enjoyed talking books and authors. She possessed a sparkling mind. She was intelligent, well educated, inquisitive, witty and wise. She was not one for wandering around in the past or re-living old memories. Nostalgia to Thelma was irrelevant. She lived in the moment; once stating that if your best memories ever become ones made more than a month ago, it was high time you made more! She never intimated any grief for the passing of her youth. There was nothing about her that hinted that her glory days were past. On the contrary, Thelma viewed herself as a continuing work in progress, with her best yet to come. She taught me that one?s age is but a marker declaring one?s location on the path of life. The only importance of these markers is that they stand as reminders that eventually, one reaches the end of the path.
I have come to realize over the years, how much of an influence my having known Thelma has been in my life. As girls, as young women, we may have seen or known more mature women, and possibly formed the thought, ?I hope I?m like her, when I?m her age?. Well, I?m working on just that?I hope I?m like Thelma, when I?m seventy.
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Jeannine Schenewerk is a freelance writer residing in Atlanta, Georgia. She maintains an inspiratonal, informative, upbeat site for mature women at
http://www.intouchwithjeannine.com
December 16, 2007
Christmas Shopping and Driving
Time has arrived for the hustle and bustle of all good Santa?s and Elves to meet on the streets and in the shopping malls of America in search of those perfect gifts for friends and families. Some of us look on this time as a fun adventure, and some of us really dread the gridlock of cars and vehicles searching for the same. The day after Thanksgiving till December 24th the streets and highways are packed with people driving for the same goal: ?The ultimate shopping adventure.? Let?s explore some ways to make this shopping adventure easier, and more fun.
Automobile Etiquette
The day before the big shopping extravaganza check over your vehicle. Make certain there is enough air pressure in the tires. Fuel up the vehicle before you take off, check all fluid levels, and go ahead and wash the car. A nice looking car even if it?s old says that you are special. Since its December you may want to stash aboard a blanket or two, flashlights and a safety kit which contains, battery jumper cables and hazard markers. You don?t expect anything bad to happen, but you are better off being prepared.
Turn signals are your friend. Please use them. It?s a small thing we can do to communicate to other drivers our intentions. Many people have decided that they aren?t important. Use them to change lanes, to indicate that you?re going to be turning a corner, and that you are going to park. That?s three places that let other people know your intent. What could be more useful? I say nothing. Think ahead, and use those indicator lights. Along with turn signals are traffic lights. They are there to help prevent accidents. That yellow light means that the light will soon be red, not to gun the accelerator full throttle, and drive through the intersection like a mad man. There is a time to drive through the intersection and a time not to do so. Be cautious and pay attention.
Parking spaces are very scarce during this time of year, especially the ones that you want. So, park where there is a space available, and walk. The fresh air will help keep you refreshed. While we are on the subject of parking, take the time and park between the lines. Those of you who have new cars and who want to keep them clean and shiny without scratches, you are inviting someone to key your car. Your car is not anymore special than anyone else?s car. Each of us has a special car. Take only the amount of space you need, and square the car in between those solid lines. After all that?s why they are painted on the pavement. If you aren?t handicapped, or pregnant then don?t park in those parking areas. They too, have to purchase presents for friends and family.
Helping Other Drivers
Walking to and from the car from a store or the mall, you have time to notice if empty parking spaces are available. If you notice a driver that needs a parking place, then point that space out with your hand. After all this is the season of kindness. You?ll be helping out your fellow man. If you do that, then chances are in your favor that someone else will point out an empty space for you when you need it. Remember what comes around goes around.
Circling, the parking lot is a great way to use lots of gas. These are hard times and Christmas is no exception. We need to save money on our fuel costs as well as our gifts. Circling also can cause accidents. When you spend your time and energy looking for a place to park, you endanger the pedestrians. You might not see them as they are walking to and from their cars and stores. Pay attention, and park in a place that you?ll remember.
What about those cell phones? Yes, they are a blessing, but they can also be a curse. The cell phone is another object that can keep you preoccupied, and your attention off of your driving. I?m not suggesting that you stop using it, but here are some guidelines that may help you use your cell phone better, and keep accidents away. If you have to call someone, do it either in the parking lot before you place that vehicle in reverse. If you are driving then pull off on a side street and park your car. Use your cell phone outside of the store. The other shoppers and the merchants will thank you, because they really don?t want to hear your conversation. Distractions need to be at a minimum, and if at all possible try not to use the phone and drive.
Comfortable Shopping
Plan ahead. Know what stores you are going to, when they will open and map out the drive. The internet is a good source for maps to any city. Yahoo maps and Map Quest maps are just a few. This will save you on fuel costs, and give you more money for gifts. Not all of you can afford a GPS, but they are also a useful device in helping you map out your shopping experience. Plan your meal time, and what restaurant(s) you?ll be visiting for your meal or meals.
While you are planning on which stores you?ll be visiting. Make a list of gifts and people for whom you will be purchasing. Write this down in a notebook. Write down what the item is you want, and where you can possible buy that item. This is why it?s good to use some sort of a notebook. You may have several stores to choose from in searching for that specific item, and a store may be out of that gift. If you aren?t sure as to what specific items you are looking for then at least write down a few ideas in which they might like.
Do you know of someone in the area; maybe a friend or related family member? You may want to plan to stop for a nice break in your shopping day. Find out in advance if they will be home, and give them a time frame of when you?ll be stopping at their home. Inform them that you are out shopping and won?t be able to stay very long. This is an excellent idea especially if you have kids, and gives you and them a rest break.
Provide yourself a care package. What do you need in this care package? Shopping can be exhausting, and the most important item to put in this package is water. Our brains and muscles need this staple even while shopping. We have a tendency to eat and drink things that really aren?t good for us. Put some fruit, and crackers and even some cheese or other foods that cost way too much at the malls or convenience stores. Drink water often, and snack a little. Speaking of being comfortable, wear comfortable shoes and layer your clothing. It may be hot in the stores and cold outside.
Do you have a phone book of the area? This is another good way to help plan your shopping experience. You can call ahead to see if they actually have the item for which you are searching, or to find out if they have extended their hours. You may need to have an address of a store, which you hadn?t expected you would need. What do you do if you don?t have a phone book for the town? Most convenience stores will let you borrow them. You just can?t take them out of their store. After all that?s why there are no phone books where public phones are. Here?s where that notebook comes in handy. You have someplace to write down the information you need.
Have Fun
That?s what Christmas shopping is all about; having fun. The safer you are, and the more prepared you are, the better your experience, and the least frustrated you will be. Prepare your vehicle in advance, and plan your route according to your favorite stores. Be certain that you have mapped out each store, and mapped out your restaurants. Be sure to bring a care package for you, your companions or family, and drink plenty of water. Park where there is available space that you will remember and park between the lines. Most importantly turn signals are your friends, and use them. Use your cell phone when you are parked, not while you drive. Your Christmas shopping experience will be a great grand adventure filled with lots of gifts and fun times for you and your companions.
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Carrie Fleharty was born in a small town in Oklahoma and writing is her hobby, along with reading, bicycling, hiking, bird watching, and being outdoors. She is a mild mannered school librarian during the day, and a word junkie by night. Carrie keeps refining her craft through workshops and classes to produce a good poem, an essay, an article or story.
October 28, 2007
Do you have trouble understanding men that you date? Can’t figure out why men seem distant and non-committal sometimes? You find that communicating with men is almost impossible sometimes, right? I’m sure you think that all men are from mars, too. Well, as a man myself, I can attest that we can be nuts, hard to figure out, and yes… surprise, maybe even a little afraid of making a commitment with a woman.
It doesn’t have to be so difficult, and there are approaches you can take with your man to fully understand where he’s coming from and how to make him more committed to you. One of the main reasons that you have such a hard time understanding men is the way that you communicate with each other.
Let’s consider this situation. You date a guy for a while and things are going great. You feel a connection with him, and you think that he feels the same way. You want to start bombarding him with your feelings about how crazy you are about him and how you want to become more committed to each other. The only problem is that you fear that this will scare him away. To be honest, you’re right. It very well could scare him away (if you do it wrong).
The fact is, the way you communicate with the man in your life is what will make or break your relationship. Learning to communicate with him in the right manner is vitally important if you want to have a successful, loving, and long lasting relationship.
I know it can be frustrating to try to understand why men change the way we act toward you as our relationship develops. At first, it seems that we are crazy about you. We’re giving you tons of attention, buying you flowers, taking you on great dates, and calling you every day. Then as time goes on, we start to seem less interested, maybe becoming a little distant. We no longer surprise you with gifts. You think we might even be cheating on you. You don’t understand what has happened between us and eventually your frustration builds up to the point where you blow up at us and let it all out.
It might be a big fight, or you are very emotional and crying, or complaining about the relationship. Whatever it may be, this comes off to the man as ‘too much drama’, and can possibly make things even worse and make a man more distant. We might think that you are an emotional wreck or ‘have issues’ or something similar.
I understand that you have legitimate reasons to be angry and emotional, and realize that it’s not fair for men to think this way, but you have to realize that this is simply the way a man’s mind works.
So how do you avoid these issues in a relationship, communicate better with men, and create a long-lasting fulfilling relationship? Well, there are hundreds of aspects we can talk about, but let’s start with something very basic.
You need to understand exactly what’s going on inside a man’s mind. I’ll be honest with you. Men have no clue what your expectations are of us and our relationship. You need to communicate with us as time goes on exactly what you want out of our relationship. Otherwise, most guys will never bring up this topic, so it’s up to you. I know it sounds scary, but it’s best to get it out in the open. If you don’t, the man could string you along for months or years, and not really be serious about a committed relationship or marriage.
We’ll expand on this discussion later, but hopefully you can take some steps for understanding men better and learning why men are from mars and how to create a more successful and loving relationship.
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To discover the top 10 mistakes that most women make with men and how to avoid them for more successful relationships and long lasting love, go to Understanding Men in Relationships and Why Men are From Mars.
October 27, 2007
I had my granddaughter, Caitlin, over for a fun day of baking cookies. First we had a few errands to run and then we would go home and bake. She was excited in the way a five-year-old is excited about making a mess and having something sweet to eat while Grandma cleaned up.
The day did not go as planned. All the errands took twice as long as I had planned. Looking at a clock I realized there was no way we would bake cookies and be done by the time her Dad picked her up. I had a brainstorm, I would go to Wal-Mart, buy some cookie dough in a roll and we could bake them in less than 30 minutes. She had been so patient, so good and uncomplaining, I would even buy her a toy. I asked her what toy she would like and she said ‘A Ken doll so Barbie can have him drive her in her car.’
At the doll section she found three Ken dolls. One had a cell phone as an accessory, one had skates and one had sunglasses. She had some tough decisions to make. As she pondered, I looked at the shelves high above her line of vision, I noticed another male doll, this one was great, he had a bunch of accessories, including a surf board, a camera, camping gear, extra clothing, and best of all he was cheaper and to my thinking a lot better looking than her choices. I pulled him off the shelf to show her.
‘No Grandma, he is a fake Ken’ she said.
‘A fake Ken?’, I asked ‘He looks like the other dolls, does it really matter if he is a real Ken doll?’
‘Yes, ?cos he cannot bend here and here’ she said pointing at his waist and legs. ‘So he cannot sit in the car, he is no good for Barbie.’
After giving the ?fake? Ken longing glances, he had such cool accessories, she chose the real Ken that had a cell phone. He bent in all the right places and he was exactly what she wanted. Now he could even call Barbie and they could talk and talk. How did this five-year-old know the other was a fake Ken? She had been given one before. She knew immediately he would not be what she wanted.
All too often we meet the ?fake? men before meeting the real one. Many times they have all the cool accessories and look so much like the real deal that we plunge headfirst into love. Then we discover they do not fit our lives and goals and they do not seem to think we are the real deal for them. The relationship seems to go nowhere. We are puzzled by his seeming lack of affection and devotion. He is so close to what she wants that she has a hard time breaking away. What if nothing better is out there? What if he is as good as it gets? What would she change about him if she could change him? Something as simple as taking out the trash without her having to ask? Or him not drinking until unconsciousness every Saturday night? Besides she loves him, however unhappy she is with her choice.
It takes faith to see beyond right now. It takes faith to realize that he may be a ?fake Ken? and that with a little more shopping, making wiser choices, we can have what we want.
What if your ?Ken? is being prepared now? What if he won?t be available until June? Can you approach dating the same way you do shopping? With an attitude that if you do not find it at this store, you will at another. Or do you have the attitude of people doing last minute shopping on Christmas Eve, you will take anything just to have something to wrap in a pretty package?
Organize your needs into a small manageable list. Nothing too overwhelming. Take the list when you are shopping. If the list says ‘Must love children’ and he does not like kids, he is not the right choice. If the list says ‘Must be drug free’ and he tells you of his love for popping tranquilizers, he is not the right choice. Make the right decisions for yourself before you fall in love. Making the right choice in the beginning of a relationship saves a lot of time and heartache.
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Cyndall is a psychic. She resides in Los Angeles and writes for her website at http://www.cyndall.com
October 24, 2007
I have always been impressed by women’s ability to balance the many roles that they are expected to perform in modern society. I must confess, however, that although my experiences has broaden and my sophistication has peaked to new awareness, this phenomenon remains, for me, a social enigma. For this reason I have decided to examine some of the issues surrounding dual careers and how it relates to contemporary women.
The issues of involvement in multiple roles and multiples role strain have long been of interest to social scientists. In addition, these issues have always been central in discussions relating to women of increased labor force participation. For example, the media often features changing roles and alternative family styles, suggesting that fundamental changes in family dymanics are occurring. Most recently, this author had the opportunity to experience two media events of just this nature.
The first event was an article written by Anita Shreve entitled Career and the Lure of Motherhood, New York Times Magazine, November 21, 1982. In her article Ms. Shreve illustrates how many women in today’s labor market must be able to juggle the roles of mother, wife and career-woman, and in many instances, that of a student. In essence, she is expected to be a superwoman. The sad part is that often these women are unhappy in their roles as part-time mother and part-time careerist. Too often, such a woman feels inadequate and unfulfilled in either role. These women are caught in what Ms. Shreve called the career-mothering dilemma. Successful career women often feel guilty about not meeting their family responsibilities. They worry, as they steal time for their family, that they are putting their careers in jeopardy. According to Ms. Shreve, these women feel that they are merely support player in the daily activities of their families. It is difficult to determine the toll such stress is having on this population of women; however, the cost to society may be high. Many of these women are employed in high-level positions, in private, as well as in the public sector, and they are a crucial member of today’s nuclear family.
If the stress on this population becomes too great, both the nuclear family and the economic productivity of the nation could be seriously affected. Therefore, it is to everyone’s benefit to resolve this double-bind. The main ingredient in reaching this goal is to recognize that career-women need understanding and a supportive partners as well as sympathetic employers.
The second event was a televised movie entitled Games Mother Never Taught You, aired November 27, 1982, 9:00 - 11:00 P.M., Ch. 2. In this movie, Ms. Loretta Swit played the leading role as a secretary promoted to a management position. She soon discovered that the stakes are for keeps in a corporate structure where the rules have been made by men. As it turned out, the one casuality of the game was her happy marrage to her husband, played by Mr. Sam Waterston, in the role as co-star. The message here is that women cannot have a successful career and a happy marrage simultaneously.
Contrary to the impression conveyed by the mass media, most American women expect to have a family, including children. At the same time, given the environment of an inflationary economy as well as the sense of autonomy and opportunity encouraged by the feminist movement, an increasing number of women will be combining parenthood with careers in the marketplace. However, to achieve their goal and make some kind of career commitment, many women are postponing parenthood.
While on the other hand, women who marry and immediately start their families are subsequently confronted by the issue of whether or when they should seek salaried employment. In both instances, whether their expectations of themselves are being enchanced by necessity or by choice, women are raising important questions about the sequence and timing of family and career. These questions challenge traditional conceptions of the substance and chronology of generativity as outlined by (Erik Erikson) in women’s lives.
Just a few years ago, in mainstream America, a husband had career aspirations and his wife had housework. His strive for success in the corporate world while she stays at home to keep his personal (family) life in order, thereby facilitating his achievement. Occasionally, if she did work outside the home, it was usually on a temporary basis to meet a financial need, or to fill the void after the children were grown. The few women who actively pursued a career were considered selfish wives, inadequate mothers, and in some instances, disgrace to society. The professional woman who combines a professional career with family obligations is under a multiple role strain because she participates in two activity systems where the allocation of time and resources is a problem, and, also, because of the conflicting values that are always present … her commitment to her career versus her responsibilities to her family. No clear guidelines are available for the individual career woman to follow. The ability to handle the role of wife, mother and career is still, for the most part, a matter of individual adaptation.
Additionally, the business world often presents its own unique pressures and problems. This is true primarily because the business world has not kept pace with the advent of the two career family and the life-styles they adopt to make their career and marriage work. In this society, one is expected to be single-minded and devote all the necessary time in pursuing a career. Many employers will not employ a person for less than full-time. However, if they do, they do not consider the person a full member of the organization. In addition, it is usually expected that the activities of other family members will be subordinated to those of the person pursuing a profession. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to have two fully-developed careers in the same family.
On the other hand, however, some five or ten years into their careers, couples tend to handle duel career conflicts differently. For example, when career needs conflict with family needs, many couples choose family goals over career goals. Experienced couples are more willing to examine alternatives and when necessary, accommodate their spouse. These couples are better able to plan and cope, and they are less reluctant to approach the company with their problems.
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Dr. William Smith is an experienced psychologist and consultant working with individuals and couples. For further information and a free initial assessment contact Dr. Smith at: insightconsultant.com
October 23, 2007
Generally speaking women live longer than men. One of the reasons is that they share their feelings more often. Men tend to stuff their feelings. This is a good practice to continue if you want an early grave.
The concept I want to discuss this week is the idea of self-disclosure. Women have more women friends because of it. Women have better relationships with their male friends because of it. What is self-disclosure? It is the willingness and ability to share your honest feelings, pain, grief, fears, frustrations and anything that if stuffed, will contribute to greater stress and less than satisfying relationships with others.
Men were raised to be tough, competitive, to win and not to show emotional weakness. I have never considered sharing your true feelings a weakness, although there have been many times in my life when I have resisted for fear of rejection, embarrassment, and to be perceived as weak by others. I am learning that managed self disclosure builds bridges in relationships and more satisfying outcomes than sharing too little or too much. Sharing too mush of yourself invites pity, scorn, ridicule and a variety of other adverse reactions from others. Sharing too little of yourself keeps others in your life at a safe yet unhealthy distance.
We are all in this life together doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment. Why not let more people into your inner circle of shared feelings. You might be surprised at their support, love and acceptance.
Balanced self disclosure builds bridges with others. Too much or too little builds barriers. This is true just as much in business as it is in your personal relationships.
There is no sin in crying in public, sharing your innermost fears with those you trust and respect and hugging those that cross your path. On my recent trip to Buenos Aires I couldn?t help but notice how everyone kisses everyone when they meet or before they depart. It is a shame that in many parts of the world kissing and hugging is seen as unnecessary or taboo. It only took me a few hours to get into the mood of all of this kissing, especially the women. Try it, its really fun.
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Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, That?s Life, Peace Of Mind, 91 Challenges Managers Face Today and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at http://www.timconnor.com.
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